How to be a Good Person

"Thus be zealous of good works, work for God."

--Cotton Mather, 1689

Having struggled through Edwards' book as a first year student at Harvard Divinity School, I can tell you that it is not a simple question. For Edwards, goodness, what he called "true virtue," is defined as "benevolence to being in general." I'm still not sure exactly what that means, but I don't think it would be too much of a stretch to equate it to our Unitarian Universalist seventh principle: "respect for the interdependent web of existence of which we are a part." Of course, Edwards was much more traditionally theological in his understanding of goodness than most Unitarian Universalists are today, and he was a Calvinist, after all.

Be that as it may, I thought that this morning I might as well add my two cents to the discussion. After all, this is a church, and churches are the traditional keepers of all that is good, right? Right. We wish. But perhaps wishing can make it so.

So, what does it mean to be a good person? How might one become a good person? These are the questions which I want to investigate with you this morning. I am thinking in particular of the young people who are present with us this morning, for whom the question of goodness and of living a good life is perhaps the most important question that they will need to answer in their lives.

Actually, I do believe that goodness can be measured by certain behaviors and activities. Not that there is not ambiguity involved, or that we will always get it right. But I want to consider just a few of the characteristics that I believe constitute a "good" person.

First on my list, and perhaps most important, is empathy. Empathy is a word that sounds a lot like sympathy, but isn't. Sympathy has connotations of "feeling sorry for" or "pity." Empathy, on the other hand means "identification with and understanding of another's situation, feelings, and motives." More simply, empathy means "feeling with others." It is symbolized by the phrase "walk a mile in someone else's shoes." One who is empathic feels what another feels. She identifies with the love of a parent for a child, for example, even though she is not the parent and the child is not hers. Empathy allows us to negate our own feelings in order to feel with someone else. It allows us to feel exactly what they must be feeling.

I believe that empathy is at the heart of goodness. If we cannot understand what others are feeling, then it will be very difficult for us to be truly good. Say, for example, that someone is being bullied. If we cannot feel what the person being bullied feels, it is highly unlikely that we will be able to achieve goodness. If we can stand aside unfeelingly while another is made fun of, or hurt, then it is hard to see how we can be considered good.

Of course, even when we feel with others we don't always know what to do about it. And sometimes we are too frightened to do anything about it. We are afraid that it might happen to us.

This is where courage comes in. Courage, someone has wisely said, is not the absence of fear. Courage is the ability to act in spite of our fears. It takes courage to speak up for others, to take a stand, to be who we truly are. Other people, even our friends, often want us to be something else. To be good, then, it is imperative that we cultivate courage.

Good people are generous. This means that they have a genuine desire to see other people succeed and prosper. They enjoy giving away what they have; indeed, they make it a habit. They are unselfish. They like to share. Generosity recognizes that it is better-- that is, more rewarding--to give than to receive. Good people enjoy helping others, particularly those who are not as fortunate as they are. Good people are generous with their time and their treasure.

Good people have a well-developed sense of justice. That is to say, they protest the unfair treatment of others. Remember what I said about empathy? Justice demands that we be able to feel with others, which sometimes takes courage. It takes courage to stand up for another person. People like Martin Luther King, Jr. have a strong sense of justice. King often quoted from the biblical prophet Amos, who said, ". . .let justice roll down like waters, and righteousness like an everflowing stream."

Of course, King was afraid of what might happen to him or his family, but he felt so strongly that his fellow African Americans were being unjustly treated that he courageously gave his life in the struggle for racial equality. Because of his advocacy for equality he was shot dead by an angry white man when he was only 39 years old. But he had overcome his fear in order to do the right thing.

Good people are tolerant. Good people don't stereotype people and usually have friends from different racial, ethnic, religious, and other groups. They are not afraid of ideas or lifestyles which are different from their own. They accept that ours is a world of differences.

As Unitarian Universalists, we have a proud history of tolerance for different religious ideas. We trace our commitment to tolerance to a Transylvanian Unitarian minister named Francis David, who in 1568 argued that different or unorthodox religious ideas should not be silenced. He believed that Truth could stand on its own feet. He courageously defended this idea even though it cost him his life in 1579 at the hands of those who didn't agree with him.

Good people are confident. As University of South Florida psychologist Louis Penner says, "[Good] people have a strong sense that they can shape their destinies. They have a great deal of self-confidence, bordering on arrogance. It's not enough to think good thoughts. You have to feel, 'I can change things.'"

Perhaps "self-confidence, bordering on arrogance," sounds bad, but how can we ever accomplish anything if we lack self-confidence? How can we effect change if we are afraid of the consequences? How can we stand up to bullies if we are unsure about how we really feel? How can we be ourselves, those selves we truly want to be and are born to be, if we have no confidence in ourselves and in our own abilities? Obviously, we can't. Good people are confident. They believe that they can make a difference, and they do.

Finally, good people are religious. By this I don't mean that they necessarily belong to any particular religious group. I mean that they believe in promoting the health and wholeness of everyone. Sociologist Samuel Oliner writes that good people have "a kind of spirituality that believes we all belong to the human family. It's a belief that everyone is part of a common universe." The word religion means, simply, "to rebind together." Religion is about making connections. It is about building community. It is about worshipping the highest that we know and being the most that we can be. It is, or ought to be, about bringing people together.

I believe that a truly religious person will be a good person, and vice versa. Good people are religious, whether they know it or not. And a truly religious person, whether he or she belongs to a church, synagogue, mosque, or temple, will always try to feel with others; he or she will always strive to be generous, courageous, tolerant, fair, and confident.

Of course, we will not always succeed in being good. We will sometimes fall short of our ideals. Being a good person requires constant effort and commitment. It is something we work toward, but never fully achieve. But I believe that it is what religion is really all about.

May we ever seek the good in our being and doing. And may the good ever find us out, in all of our ways, in all the days to come.

Amen.

The Rev. Harold E. Babcock