Published in The Daily News on September 13, 2024
“When despair for the world grows in me, I go and lie down where the wood drake rests in his beauty on the water, and the great heron feeds…”: Wendell Berry, The Peace of Wild Things.
Wendell Berry’s words are familiar and comforting to many of us. They evoke feelings of calmness and reconnect us to the beauty of our natural world. The words in the poem remind us that we are part of the interdependent web of life, which is both expansive and intimate. This connection and the peace of wild things has long been true for me.
Recently, I have experienced that same sense of peace and connection while taking part in a support group for caregivers of loved ones with Alzheimer’s and dementia sponsored by our church. This group of people gathers each month to share their experiences with others in similar situations.
The group members, most of whom are not members of FRS, understand each other in ways that people who have not lived through loving and caring for someone with dementia and Alzheimer’s can’t possibly understand. They offer each other ideas and share resources on everything from doctors to self-care, as well as the role of acceptance and humor in their lives.
Recently, as I sat listening to a member share, I was filled with deep respect, in awe of what she was dealing with. The woman was honest and open about her struggles, including wondering if she was handling things “right.”
Her authenticity was reflected among all the group members. There is no pretense or façade within the group. These people know how delicate life is and how much we need one another.
An estimated 6.7 million Americans over age 65 were living with Alzheimer’s dementia in 2023. In 2022, more than 11 million caregivers of people with Alzheimer’s disease or other dementia provided an estimated 18 billion hours of unpaid care, a contribution to the nation valued at $339.5 billion. Forty-one percent of caregivers have a household income of $50,000 or less. (Alzheimer’s Association, 2023 Facts and Figures Report).
These figures are staggering and, for now, are only increasing. Many family caregivers never imagined that they could provide the care they do, day in and day out. Yet they do, and with remarkable stamina and dedication.
For some caregivers, the progression of the disease leads them to have to make the difficult decision to move their loved one to a place where they can receive professional care in settings designed for people with Alzheimer’s and dementia.
For many caregivers, their lives largely become about caring for their family member. They provide care and love that is different than what they imagined as newlyweds, or what younger adult children might have felt about their parents not too long ago.
Though their love changes, it also deepens. There is a growing appreciation for who the person they love used to be. and in providing this different kind of love, the caregiver too is transformed. Though the way is often lonely, thank goodness there is community and people willing to connect.
A rare and delicate peace also often accompanies these caregivers, like an angel on their shoulder. I hope they can feel it and I pray that they can experience some calm amid the storm. Caregivers are doing this difficult work of caregiving, day after day, while the rest of the world is busy with other things. They are our unsung heroes.
The support group for caregivers is held at the First Religious Society every fourth Wednesday from 12:30 to 1:30 p.m. For more information, contact info@frsuu.org. Groups are also held at the Amesbury Senior Center and at Avita of Newburyport.